Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Late-night's leading entertainers devoted their airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration program, called the "golden visa," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Take

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys everything he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial initiative that allows foreign individuals to purchase U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for five million. A government portal pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message for you to rich immigrants: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring large fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best screening the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll numbers during financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning news defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.